"I would not put a thief in my mouth to steal my brains." On the Majesty of True Grit (a book by Charles Portis).

All hail Portis.

Why is it that all schoolchildren in this country are not given to read True Grit by Charles Portis? It is the greatest novel ever written by a white man. It has not one, but two, relatively faithful and watchable movie versions for them to cheat off of when they go to write their themes on it. There are shootouts, a teenage protagonist, moral rectitude tested by "the most wicked men in the world," men who have "ridden the 'hoot owl trail' and tasted the fruits of evil," and five funny things said on every page. It does not matter why. What matters is setting things right. Buy it--an edition with the afterword by Donna Tartt. Read it. Buy two more copies, give one to a friend and one to a child. Campaign against your local school board members if they refuse to support you in demanding it be read. And you writers, always remember these words of Mattie Ross, the narrator of True Grit: "Nothing is too long or too short either if you have a true and interesting tale and what I called a 'graphic' writing style combined with educational aims." True Grit, friends. I stand by it now and forever. And don't you watch the movies and think you've accomplished. You haven't.